Who did Billy Mays play for?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
