that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
