never play flip cup with pint glasses
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
