now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
