when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Randomize
