I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
