God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
