"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
