Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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