you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
