I'm really into asian looking animals
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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