Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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