Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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