hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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