She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
