Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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