oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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