you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
