dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
