ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
