Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
