Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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