Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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