he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
