i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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