I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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