I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
