he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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