you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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