My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
is wine microwaveable?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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