I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
