Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
