In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
