I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
