Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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