Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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