You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
