If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
