There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
