After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Everything about him screamed your future.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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