grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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