One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Your tits are I can't wait for
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
