please come you make the beer taste better
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
