but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
