i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
last night I used snow as a chaser
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
