kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
