I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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