If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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