Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
