I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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