I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
