possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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